Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
