i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
