the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There r osticjed everywhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
