it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
