If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
