I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
