Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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