i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
