Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
