Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize