She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
