the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
