i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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