she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
