Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
