So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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