made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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