if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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