Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
