Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
