my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Randomize
