Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize