Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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