I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize