My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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