You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
