Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
