Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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