His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
