sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The air was thick with penises
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
