that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
