this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then my night got REAL pukey
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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