if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
