Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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