Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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