Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
