She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize