Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
