Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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