New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
