I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You smell like stripper and shame
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your shirt... Was in my pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
