ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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