watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
