dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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