I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
