I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
