He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
