Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize