ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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