i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i've created a new STD.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
