I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
