You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
