dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
