So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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