remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
