I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
