2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
