If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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