3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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