ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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