You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
