I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
