Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
