I'm drive I can fine osifer
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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