i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Houston, we have a blender
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize