Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
