We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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