Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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