you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
