i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
